mo mhian

I have some things that I've writted that have been in my computer files for a very long time. I rarely feel like sharing them, because they never feel...finished.
But I decided to post this one. And maybe I'll post a few more later...


You looked my way...
In that quiet flash of time, our eyes engaged
and the sun rose.

Memories of an empty, restless night slid away
with the blooming, radiant blush of day.
Beauty suspended in that instant...
Within those gentle moments, the light shimmered,
spreading it's brilliant rays...
filling every voided space
with passionate and colorful shades.
Everything was washed in a soft glow.
A longing rushed through me...

then you looked away.
The shiny moment passed,
and the sun set.

Lovely memories...

The other night, a friend and I were talking and he brought up the idea of "summer time friendships"...which reminded me of a blog I posted two years ago on myspace. I'm re-posting it on here, because it's something that I think about often...especially with the Air Force Base being here in Altus. Anyway...if you'd like to read the original blog, here's the link. You might even find a comment written by you at the end of it...

So...last night I spent a large amount of my time searching my house for the cords to my printer. About two years ago, I put them somewhere. At that moment I thought it was a good spot- a spot where I would be able to find them when I wanted to use them again. I was wrong. It must have been a bad spot, because I can't find them.

So, during my futile cord search, I ran across a bag of notes/letters/cards from my school days. I actually knew it was there, but I never take the time to go through it. All of the sudden I thought it would be just the time to read the hundreds of little notes that I've had packed away for all these years...lol. I found a couple of notes and cards from this guy that had a huge crush on me in 7th grade (whatever happened to him...?), and I found a couple of notes from a boy that I loved in 9th/10th grade (I still love him, actually...and talk to him occasionally). Chances are, if you ever went to camp with me---at any point in my life--I have a note from you. Very possibly more than one (remember having "mail boxes" at camp and getting prayer grams?) I have notes from people that I don't even remember (shame on me for forgetting!) Most of the notes say "I love you"...and I know that a lot of those people wouldn't say that to me now...lol. (Being caught up in the "camp experience" makes you love everyone!) So many of the notes say things such as "friends forever", or some similar endearing phrase. When you are in that moment, reading those little loving notes, you have no reason to question that you will, in fact, be friends forever. You somehow believe that it is true. Call it a childish thought or whatever...but you do. It makes me a little sad to think about how easily those "forever" friendships dissolve. I mean, I don't know where even half of the authors of those little notes are now.

It is interesting how people move into your life for some period of time...spend time loving you and knowing you...then just slip out, leaving little pieces of themselves and taking little pieces of you. Then in the present, you run into them at Wal-mart or some such place, and no matter how close you were in the past, it almost seems like you are strangers now. It's just part of life...a sad but somehow necessary part.

Then there are friends that remain...not many, but a few. I read a card from one of those friends today...sweet. It was from my 16th birthday. She said something like "we have been friends for 4 years. Can you believe it's already been 4 years?!" Little did we know at the time that 4 years would turn into 14...and it makes me wonder how our relationship will be in 10 more years.

Makes me want to cherish the time that I have with people...because if (or more truthfully "when") they slip away, and our lives take different forks, the lovely memories will remain...

"Magnitude" and...me.

A couple of blogs ago, I posted my want list. I hesitated to allow others to read it for a number of reasons...including a bit of trepidation in sounding like an incredibly selfish girl, but mostly because of a fear that I'd fail myself in a [somewhat] public way. What if I don't achieve any of those things? I mean, you know me, you've read my list...I'm sure you'll notice if I never move to Alaska, right? lol.

But ultimately, I believe that it's beneficial to speak our wants and desires into the universe. I don't mean that in a mystical way. I'm just saying, if we speak our dreams into life (or blog them into life, as I've done...lol), we are held accountable in making them a reality. Everyone will wonder and ask if we've "done it yet", and who wants to say no? Yeah...not me. It's not fun admitting defeat...especially if I've defeated myself.

I read a quote the other day, and it really incited some deep thinking.

"Vision without action is merely a dream.
Action without vision just passes the time.
Vision with action can change the world."
Joel A. Barker

I can want/wish/dream/desire often and hard, but no matter how badly I yearn for something, it is unattainable without action. It'll remain on my list of things that I aspire to accomplish and adventures that I hope to experience before my life is over.

To leave a safe path for an unknown in pursuit of a dream, risks are taken. It takes courage and faith...and failure is always a possibility. I can't achieve something great without chancing failure. But I just have to do it. I have to move forward or I'll just be standing still. Makes sense, right?

I'll Be Loving You Forever...

I went to Dallas this past weekend. It was completely amazing. My wedding day, the birth of my children, the NKTOB concert...yeah, it's up there as a highlight in my life...lol. Sounds pretty silly, but I don't mind sounding silly. I simply don't have the words to even begin to tell you how awesome it was. I just don't...so this will be a short post.

I left Friday and drove down to Fort Worth to my sweet friend Sarah's house. I spent the WHOLE weekend eating, shopping, and playing. The highlights were 8.0 (www.eightobar.com) in downtown Fort Worth, and [of course!] the New Kids on the Block concert. Natasha Bedingfield opened for them. I didn't even know she was the opening act, but I was extremely excited when I realized it. She was great. Then I was completely blown away by the guys. Seriously...lol. It was insane.

Here are a few pictures from the concert. I'm sure you've probably already seen them if you're on my myspace/facebook...but I'll post them here, too.

Close up on our rad blue hair.
Yeah...we looked cool.

'80s girls, wearing my old New Kids Shirts from back in the day...
ready for the concert!

Sarah, Miranda, and Donnie!

They moved from the main stage to a small, rotating stage right behind us!

I also recorded a few short video clips and uploaded them to my youtube account (http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=justmyranda). Very short, but still fun. You'll have to excuse the shaky camera. I was [obviously!] pretty pumped, so my hands were trembling. Plus, all of the other excited girls wiggling and jumping around me made the floor vibrate...lol.

I have a couple of other blogs simmering in my mind, so I'll be posting them this week. Until then...

(OH, and p.s...do any of you know how to post a hyperlink on here? I couldn't get it to work...)

For my birthday,

I want autumn. I want a personal cook. I want to live in a lighthouse in Maine. I want to write a book that everyone wants to read. I want them to know what I know, and have what I have. I want to be a high school guidance counselor. I want to live in a loft in New York City. I want new black flip-flops. I want to help someone. I want to carve another pumpkin. I want an elliptical machine. I want to live in Bend, Oregon. I want to be missed when I’m not there. I want to be a morning person. I want a teapot...or two. I want to open an art gallery. I want to take ballet classes. I want to go to Georgia to meet my sister-in-law. I want to live under the northern lights in Alaska. I want a canopy bed and a new dresser. I want to walk on water. I want a new winter coat that I’ll never wear. I want to run a marathon. I want to live in a cabin on a mountain in Colorado. I want to go skiing. I want to make a difference. I want a real pantry, and a real laundry room. I want new clothes. I want to visit Ireland...and maybe live there, too. I want to build a house that looks like a castle. I want a peanut butter cup mix from Braums. I want to go see my dad, his wife, and his new house. I want six-pack abs. I want a new purse. I want to see myself the way you see me. I want to chop off my hair. I want to be well known. I want to own a ranch. I want a daughter. I want a pretty garden. I want my best friends to live where I live. I want a new tattoo. I want to have my own library. I want a comfortable recliner. I want a window seat. I want to have a girls weekend at a beach house in South Carolina. I want to go back to Kennewick to see it. I want to go to Italy. I want to see the sea. I want to surf, but just once. I want to live on a plantation in the South. I want to write a song. I want to laugh that hard again soon, and as often as possible.

I want to be content with who and what I am, what I have, and where I find myself in this moment, while striving for who and what I will be, what I will acquire, and where I will be tomorrow. I want to have love for every moment, and never feel regret. I want to leave a legacy of joyfulness and peace, so that when my children think of me, they’ll smile.

I want to live it.

Famous

Er...ok, so maybe not famous, precisely. BUT, everyone (or a good number of people?) received a flyer in the mail last week featuring the Carlisle family, hanging out [posing] with Charles Ortega (the actual featured person). And so what if you can barely tell it's me, with my hair flying wildly about my face? As I've gone on with my everyday business around the town of Altus, I've had several people mention that they saw us in the flyer. 

So there it is. 

Famous. 

Almost?...lol.

 Anyway...in case you were completely mesmerized by the photo (ha!), the message of the flyer was to vote for Charles Ortega. He's a stand-up person. He would definitely be the best choice...

"We are the music makers..."

I typed this up last week. I didn't post it because I'm not entirely sure I purged my mind with my words. I typically like to get all of my thoughts on a particular subject out and together before I post it...but whatever. I didn't want to leave the Microsoft Word document open on my desktop anymore...lol. So if I read through it and decide to add more later, you'll just have to read it all over again.

I love to write poetry. One of the most satisfying things about it is that I can write my deepest thoughts, and if I word it in a vague way, I know what I mean but you don’t. And although I always mean something very specific, you are free to interpret it any way you like. It’s like I’m shouting a secret, and no one hears it. It’s great...very cathartic.

My favorite type of poetry is musical lyrics. I’m very into lyrics. I’m drawn to a song first because of the beat and the singer’s voice, but it truly grabs me when the words are great. That’s one of my “things”...I always look up the lyrics. I enjoy reading them...
My current profile song on myspace is I’m yours, by Jason Mraz.

"I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror

and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer

But my breath fogged up the glass

and so I drew a new face and I laughed

I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason

to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons

it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue"


I’m not entirely sure how he intended these words to be understood, but it prompts my emotional mind...

We try so hard to see what we “are”...and our image is nearly always distorted by our efforts.

I don't think we ever actually see ourselves as others do...for better or worse.

I mentioned in my previous blog that I’ve changed quite a bit in the last few years. In reality, I’ve nearly become a whole new person. I’m becoming the person that I want to be. It’s fun. I don’t care what you think of me, or if you don’t agree with the choices I make or the way I present myself. I’m just gonna be me. I’m going to live while I have breath. If I’m moldable (and I hope I am...I’d like to think that I'm receptive to good change), I want to be the artist responsible for my shape. When I look in the mirror, I want to smile at the face I see looking back at me. I’m nearly there...

Simply this...

Eh...
Well, I've had this blogspot account opened since May. I don't typically run short of things to say...but for some reason, I just haven't used this particular blog. Maybe I was hoping to launch my new page with an entry that would be hugely fantastic...the problem is that I haven't had any hugely fantastic thoughts lately...
But I don't want my blog to be naked anymore. So, I'll just write whatever comes to mind and proceed from there, k?

I'm assuming that most of the people that are reading this already know me (or perhaps you're just a creepy blog stalker and you don't know anything about me?)

But maybe you already know that I am merely Miranda. I am nothing special, but completely unique. Ever changing, but always...Miranda

I was on a playground today...swinging slowly and thinking about what makes our personalities. Is it something that is instilled in us when we're born, or is it something we create...constructing ourselves into what we want to be...choosing attributes that fit an image we desire to portray? I'm nothing at all like I was when I was younger...hardly the same as I was even in high school/early college. I'm ever evolving...

Am I responsible for becoming what I am...or do my circumstances and life occurrences shape me? Maybe both. Probably. Being a bit of a control freak, I like to think that I hold most of the power.

;)

Just for fun (or in case you're one of the folks that is lurking around in the earlier parenthesis), I'll type a few words that I believe describe some aspects of me. This list is by no means all inclusive. I don't believe I could type enough words to paint myself on paper...and certainly not with 10 simple phrases.
But here goes...
I am...
-obsessive compulsive (but not in the real, medically diagnosed way. My sister sometimes refers to me as "anal". I would say I'm just...particular.)
-a picky eater...incredibly picky.
-I have a healthy obsession with health (because how could an obsession with health not be healthy?)
-a writer
-a runner
-fickle...and temperamental to go along with it. So watch out.
-a lover of art...in all of its' forms.
-a list maker. Lists keep me...sane.
-incredibly and sadly sentimental.
-blessed/cursed with a strong and vivid memory and imagination.

So. Aren't you glad you know me?...(or, again for those parenthesis lurkers, don't you want to know me?!)

For the last two(ish) years, I've been posting my thoughts on myspace. I'll likely post some of those blogs on here...or at least the links...because everyone should read what I've written.
:)