Tuesday, January 27, 2009

relief in the nonsensical

It's sleeting/snowing here today. I'm warm in my fleece pajama pants, wrapped in a fleece blanket, listening to my boys laugh while they play soccer in the house. Presently, my life is in a vicious spiral of uncertainly (not "adventure"...please note that there is a difference), so these small moments of contentment are welcomed and treasured.

I have kids...and I work with kids. Mostly, they're obnoxious. But some days they remind me of how wonderfully uncomplicated life can be...and they teach me a little lesson on how to garner pure pleasures from simple moments. One day during play time, Emma spent 30 minutes (yes...30 whole minutes) spinning. She'd spin, fall from her continuous and dizzying rotation, then get up and spin again. I just watched her, thinking "how on earth is she finding herself contented to spin while everyone around her is running around chasing the ball?" Hm...

The majority of people dislike it when their life moves in the same direction every day, causing a rut of monotony. I know I typically do. I like adventure (here's where you'd recall the "note" about uncertainty not being equal to adventure). Overall, I'm not a fan of sameness. I get bored very easily. I think I create a lot of that tedium myself, becoming a monotony monster. I have learned that I'm extremely proficient at desensitizing myself to happiness found in the ridiculous (i.e. Emma's wonderfully childish enjoyment of spinning). You can go ahead and jump under this speeding train of realization with me...you know you're a monster too...

As I said earlier, my life is alternating between viciously spiraling uncertainty and terrifying standstills. Unsure of every step I take, I'm finding my monotony in a lack of positive forward motion. In a season where far reaching decisions seem overwhelming, I'm determined to remember how to find small, simple moments of pure and uncomplicated pleasures. I'm sure they're all around me...I just need to strip off the world-weariness that I'm currently clothed in.
And, instead, focus on how incredibly comfortable and warm fleece is on an icy day.


Heather Ratcliffe Busey said...

It's easy to find cynicism at every turn, and an art to find pleasure in the simpleness of life...I sure do miss the innocence of youth and the feeling that adventure didn't equal fear (in my world that is). I guess we should count our blessings often... :)

PS> You are an amazing writer... :)

Susan said...

ah, to be at home in fleece! i am jealous!